voltage running through her skin.

2009-10-24T08:42:00.001-07:00

new blog.
electricxriot.tumblr.com

my life stories just bring me down.

2009-10-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

cause then it hits you that your at a complete loss. what do you do when you want to cry but the tears refuse to come? i'm wrecked.

2009-10-22T06:13:00.001-07:00

.... i love how random people get into fights with me because they have no life. yeah, i'm a huge slut bitches. be jealous.

You show up like a hurricane, all hungry eyed and weather stained.

2009-09-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

1.32 am

THIS is what you get for not taking nicer pictures with me babe.

I told you I wouldn't forget.

I may not have the most perfect words to describe you, or to say to you for that matter, but I can certainly try.

8 months ago, without any warning, this (impossibly tall) boy walked into my life.
The first word he ever said to me was 'bye'.
Little did I know that it was only the beginning.
On the 13th on February, he talked to me on MSN.

The conversation lasted for 4 hours, which is... pretty amazing because I am shit at conversations. I learnt more about him in that 4 hours then I have with people who I've known for weeks.

The days passed, we became close pretty quickly. Then came Sports Day- the first time I hugged him. ( Yes baby, I still remember. It was right after you ran, you were all sweaty and icky and I was with Tesh. ) It was... a pretty good hug. I remember liking the fact that he had really strong arms haha.

And the rest is history :)

5 blissful months with you, and you still leave me ecstatic every time. You've stuck by me throughout all the shit that's happened, even though we both know I'm a mess you don't deserve (despite what you think!). Every time I'm with you, I have this huge-ass sappy lovesick teenage girl smile on my face, because your the only person that can make me feel THAT happy and, trust me, I wouldn't trade those moments in for anything. I love everything about you- hell, I even miss you when I'm all wrapped up in your arms.

Because I know you. I know your a nerd at heart, you like anything to do with war, you wanna do something epic when you grow up... I know you. Your familiar, your comfortable, you are my safe haven. Which is probably why your that one person I'd go crawling back too when I'm all teary-eyed and torn inside. I love you so much it scares me sometimes, and I think I'm only uncaring and cold because if I let it sink in... I'd be an emotional train-wreck of a girl.

We may not be 'forever and always', but your my present, and for now... you are all I want. You are enough.

I'm all yours, baby.
xx

2009-09-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

oh god i'm sinking in, right back into my sins...

2009-09-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

sitting here with a bar of kitkat and food in my tummy.

Mai's 17th was yesterday.
My English class buddy / 'de-stress' friend.
Sucks that she's leaving to Canada at the end of the year :(

I had a blast last night though, despite the blisters that are forming on my feet. My friends are hilarious.

Zalea's surprise party thing is today but I can't make it cause my parents are being anal.
Well, I reckon I've been going out too much too so yeaahhh ...

I really do not see the point of updating my blog because even though I want to, half my readers don't know the people I'm talking about and wont get the jokes I write about so it's kinda potong steam right... Meh.

2009-09-07T05:13:00.000-07:00

decided not to move because i'm too lazy to figure out how to control tumblr.
so... lately i've been feeling like an insubstantial mess, quite possibly because

a) i am too tired to function properly, or
b) because i couldn't seem to care less about practically anything anymore.

i mean, what's the point? i have too much shit of my own going on, just add the increasing piles of homework + tests = me, struggling to keep sane. doesn't help that karma totally beat me in the ass today (lol) but wow, i really need to de-stress before i go all mental on someone.

' Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why cant we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I dont think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what were meant to be '

chain me free

2009-09-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s and no one has affairs to remember.

Just to get things straight:

I'm not fazed one bit by the things people are calling me. I mean, why should I bother? I've got other friends anyway. The only bit that does bother me is that some of you used to matter, and you should know me better then just to jump to conclusions this fast.
People in KDU are probably the biggest gossipers ever. I'm sorry, but how did news that 4 people know, get round to the whole school? -_-
I wish people would stop being afraid of hurting me / my feelings because really, I can take it + you should have just told me everything instead of telling my boyfriend.
There is no 4.

2009-09-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

It's when you hold eye contact for that second too long or maybe the way you laugh. It sets off a flash and our memories take a picture of who we are at that point when we first know "This is love."

And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People aren't pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away.

- via pleasefindthis

Weeeekend Blues.

2009-08-31T08:52:00.000-07:00

Wow, people actually do read my blog. I'm surprised.

How did my weekend go?
One word: Memorable.

breathe me.

2009-08-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

Because I need to let out some steam.

I don't know what I'm supposed to expect from anyone anymore,
I care about you, but it doesn't mean that I won't hurt you. I warned you that getting this close to me would guarantee you pain.
I don't even recognize the person that I am (and turning into) anymore.
I'm pathetic.

je veux te voir- yelle

2009-08-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

my weekend was pretty interesting...
despite the fact that i'm extremely tired now.

Friday- Ben's 17th.

Sat:
Novia's 16th @ Bayu Terrace.

No, I didn't drink. I'm a good girl.. but yeah,this party was pretty damn fun. My legs were in pain the next day.

Me, Phoebe, Arathi, Marina.

Me, Yashmay, Novia, Lornaaa.

More on Facebook. All in all, t'was pretty fun. Except for the fact that fasting has started.

this is paralyyyyzed.

2009-08-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Still hard to believe i'm an IB student, but trust me, I am starting to feel the pain.

This is what runs through my mind daily nowadays.

- I'm tired.
- I have to go home to a mountain of homework.
- I'm tired.
- I'm hungry.
- I need to lose weight.
- I have homework.
- I hate school.

And I WILL lose 2 kg's by the time this year is over.

sigh, one more question before my Business case study is officially done. and then History? UGH. Speaking of, had a history debate today- we lost by friggin' half a point. Damn potong. Oh well. Been having History 3 days in a row. Lemme tell you, that's not fun...

Ah, the ramblings of a fifteen year old.

2009-08-18T06:25:00.000-07:00

4 months down, hopefully way more to go.
you've been there through the tears and stupid fights and my moodswings.
the only one who can handle me for who i am.

i love you.

baby i'm helpless.

2009-08-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

the week has been a flurry of stress, ulcers and well... yeah. according to google the ulcers were caused by stress which just plain sucks because i really, really feel the pain which makes it impossible to eat anything sour. (i am a sucker for sour candy.)

mtv worldstage was last night- pretty good imo. SO stressful i tell youuu. rushed up and down to send mai off and shizz. i was sweating by the time i got IN the concert -.-

but yeah.
boyfriend + good music + htf + moshpits = love.

went for the post party after but we met pixie lott and aar chilling at the lounge first :) god, tyson was so drunk at the post party he was dancing on the table lol. went back at 3 am and tash + jas you suck for not going you bish.

tell the truth... i'm only blogging because i need more reason(s) to procrastinate my work because my entire body is aching and sigh it's just another lazy sundayy...

BYE.

2009-08-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

so.

there's this boy. (isn't it always a boy?)
and his pretty much stolen my heart like nobody else has.
& i'll admit, i'm a total bitch with him sometimes but...

we've gotten to the point where i'd be a mess without him.
& i have no idea if that should scare me or not,
but nobody's ever made me this happy before, so,
if everybody (and i know there are people) is wondering why i'm still with him

well, there it is. the complete truth.

2009-08-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

First day of IB today.
Definitely worse then I expected, and I don't know if I'll be able to cope... but it'll all pay off.

you know I'm such a fool for you,
you've got me wrapped around your finger.

Title & Registration- Death Cab For Cutie.

2009-08-04T10:56:00.001-07:00

So, school's starting in a day.

In other words, I'm starting IB in a day.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared shitless for it, hell, I might even be contemplating suicide by the middle of the gruelling 2 year course, so, pray for me guys!

I've enjoyed the past 2 months of holidays... even though I lost my camera in the process. I'm in love with the UK, and I can so imagine studying there in the near future. No, I'm definitely not looking forward nor am I ready to face the hectic hell I call school, but it's not like I can run away to NY to make a living in Gossip Girl sets or anything. (sigh Taylor Momsen i envy you.) I can already imagine the work piling up, along with the tuitions and all the other crap.

Just. Kill. Me.

I know I haven't been updating my blog very much, but I just have this sudden urge to keep my life private, yknow. I might still keep this open though, cause there are times where I need to express my creative side (aka writing). So, yeah.

It's funny how a short stretch of 2 months can feel like ages. I even feel like I've changed in a way. I'm definitely head over heels for that boy, he makes me happier then I've ever been in a relationship, and we've lasted for a really long time (in my world.) He taught me how to trust again, but that isn't what changed. I dunno, there's just.... something I can't quite place my thoughts on...

Ah, screw it, I'm happy, that's all that matters anyway (:

Anyway, I'm 2AM lovesick and half delirious so I shall drag my freezing ass into my snuggly bed now. Bye loves. Don't expect a proper update anytime soon.

Should I

2009-08-01T00:47:00.001-07:00

Delete this blog? I'm getting too lazy to post anything, because I've been moodswinging way too violently these days, and my life isn't very interesting anyway. plus I've found dailybooth, which I prefer way more.

MY SUMMER PLAYLIST.

1) 1901- phoenix.
2) you're so foxy- no doubt.
3) dead disco- metric.
4) you've got the love- florence and the machine.
5) bulletproof- la roux.
6) skatesteak- mr oizo & tellier.
7) sink into me- taking back sunday
8) meddle (ebola remix)- little boots.
9) professional suicide- ladyhawke.
10) the girls- calvin harris.
11) baby baby baby- make the girl dance.
12) trash- the whip.
13) mirror error- the faint.
14) lisztomania- phoenix.
15) boys with girlfriends- meiko.
16) 1963- rachael yamagata.
17) zero- yeah yeah yeahs.
18) after hours- we are scientists.
19) i cut like a buffalo- the dead weather.
20) girl with one eye- florence & the machine.

because i've been listening to those songs way too many times for my own good. so, i decided i'd share the love :D

dear...

2009-07-31T06:23:00.001-07:00

HAPPY SIXTEENTH, COUSIN!!

16 years of you knowing me :p (that was lame.)
love you long time bish!

You've Got The Love- Florence and The Machine

2009-07-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

One of my more expensive purchases, lol.

Yes, I'm back. My internet has been down but it's fine now. No, I'm too lazy for a proper post. Maybe tomorrow. Right, bye.

EDIT:
Because as usual, I knew it was too good to be true. Love never wanted me, but I stubbornly insisted on diving headfirst into it even though I was aware of the consequences. No, I don't want to talk about it and no, I'm not okay.

Cosy and colddddd

2009-07-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

HI bbs.

Last night here. Extended the stay by one night just because we could :)
I love this place. So sad I have to leave! Watched HP with momma today and I liked it. Tom Felton so the emo, yummers. AND CORMAC! Hahaha, poor Hermione.

And I bought 3 boxes of kettle chips to bring home. Sigh, freak I am.
See you in 2 days! :)

2009-07-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

night in with kettle sweet chilli chips (MY NEW FAVVV) and fruits.
cause it's pouring outside.

last day here tmrw :( gna watch wicked, i'm excited! :)

2009-07-14T03:26:00.000-07:00

Fred Stroma who plays Cormac McLaggen in HP.

Just. Kill. Me.

2009-07-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

the boy's mother thinks i'm a diva.

i don't think so. your thoughts? (:

Because we are who we want to be.

2009-07-11T15:55:00.001-07:00

Talking to the one and only right now who's awake (for some odd reason) at 7 am on a Sunday. Love you baby.

I've been eating far, far too much here. It's not funny. Currently staying at the countryside, which is bloody gorgeous. I love it. However, its off to London on Monday. Going to shop until I literally get sick of clothes (:

Jas, I know you miss me you loser.

Ely, you too!

2009-07-07T09:12:00.001-07:00

So,
I'm leaving in a few hours. I'm probably bringing my laptop because 10 days with no communication = torture and my Macbook is pretty light so hurrah.

Gonna miss that boy and the bestiesssss :(
Haha, but on a brighter note, it's UK. Who can be miserable there?!
Blog in a few days!

Just waiting for the fall.

2009-07-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like another pre- packaged smile, about to be introduced to the meaning of hurt.

Like I'm walking into another hidden trap that I didn't know existed in the first place.

But in front of everyone else, I pull myself together,

And so that smile remains permanently on my face.

Because it's so much easier then letting them watch me fall apart.

Should've known it would kick in sooner or later.

Love Is A Place.

2009-07-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

What have I been up to? (:

Well, as you can see, I crashed at Jas's place on Wednesday cause I was going to sneak into KDU for Paramount Championship the next day. Webcammed with Akram & Ben, both of whom got chosen for NS. (gotta admit though, imagining them bald just makes me want to die laughing.)

I couldn't sleep the whole night, literally. Just lay in the dark doing no shit, with Jas happily dead next to me -__- But when I lack sleep, the next day... oh, I was definitely hyper alright. The performances were pretty good, except for a select few which was rather shit. The decorations were way tacky though. Then again, I wasn't surprised once I found out who designed them.

Today was mummy's birthday, and she insisted we go out for dinner. The boyfriend came along, and I'm preeeeettty sure my family like, adores him. I know my mom does and I definitely do. So it's all good :D

Going to be seeing him for the next 2 days too, but hey, cut me some slack okay. I'm leaving to UK on the 8th, for 10 days. Shops, here I come!

2009-06-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

Haha doublee sleepoverrr. :D :D :D

JAS IS COOL-ER :O :O :O

2009-06-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

tomorrow we sneaky sneaky into the hall :D
this is while waiting for her boyfriend and bennnn to finish practicing. YOU LOVE ME IMAN :D
toorah!

2009-06-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

Isn't it odd how one phone call from that one person can change your entire day?
Here I am, toes freezing and all, completely ecstatic with everything.
Lately, it's been only you who's able to make me feel this way.

Let's get down in Barcelona, I like romancing like no tomorrow.

2009-06-28T00:36:00.000-07:00

Elyas Izzat turned 16 on Thursday.

Happy Belated, other bestfriend (:

I swear I've been spending practically everyday with Jas. It's not even funny. (the things I do for you!)

Went to Curlers with her to go do our hair on Friday which took like 5 hours. No joke. Thank God it was worth the time and money, cos I'm really happy with my new haircut. I got it straightened too which is why my hair looks kinda different now :) Like, finally right.

Then it was a chill session with the other 2 idiots at Curve. Eventually ended up going to Ikea for meatballs and they decided to steal my cake. Even though it wasn't me who bought it...

Spent the whole day just stonning at home yesterday, and I got some new shit for my room so I was 'organizing' it (it'll probably be a mess in about 2 days anyway). But yeeah, preetty!

Was sposed to go for a facial today but their not replying their phones so I'm prolly just going to go tmrw. Could've gone to the gym with Jas but I'm feeling rather lazy.

So that's it. Taaaa!

2009-06-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT2vhGLSiD4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgejbLJsSI0

SO EPIC.
probs my favorite skins scenes EVERRRRRR.
WATCH IT OR DIE.

that goes out to you, jas (;

2009-06-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Just because I miss you like crazy right now.

And because I would do anything to be somewhere else,

with you.

(I know you hate blog PDA but I couldn't help it, and I know you still love me :p)

dead disco, dead punk, dead rock & rollll.

2009-06-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

Watched Transformers today, platinum class (Y). Ely's sister got us the tixxx cause he was so eager to watch it (:

The guys were going gaga over Megan Fox, gotta admit though, she's hot.

It's 3am, Zee Avi's Bitter Heart is playing, and for the past 2 hours I've been looking at fashion websites. There's a box of leftover icecream cake + Ben and Jerry's in the fridge, so if I grow fatter the next time you see me, that's the explanation.

3 things I'm positively sure of (TWILIGHT RIPOFF LOL):

1) Kaya Scodelario is possibly the most gorgeous 17 year old EVER.

2) I need to learn how to sew.

3) I have a shoe fetish. If y'all ever wonder what to buy me

SO GORGEOUS. LOVE HER.

credits to shoelust.

Cannot believe I just dedicated an entire post to shoes and Kaya. That can't be good... Oh well, I'm off to watch Skins Season 3 again, 'cause I'm bored and I have an unhealthy crush on that show.

Fooled me again, honest eyes.

2009-06-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

Firefox is being a pain in the butt, it won't allow me to upload pictures, so I'll use Safari instead.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Getting in touch with his 'inner child.' :p (he was being forced to play.)

HAPPY BELATED 12th BIRTHDAY, ANIS

In Dubai. I look like a wreck but who cares.

Sometimes I wonder why/how we're related. I think this explains Tash's nickname to her. Lol.

The sister's birthday was yesterday, and because my uncle got a promotion or whatever, we celebrated it at some Thai restaurant near my house. It was utter chaos, I'm not even joking. With the amount of cousins I have, it's not like there's anything else to be expected. Little kids running around fighting each other and screaming their butts off, while we just stone. Then, it was off to my house because the adults wanted to eat durians. More laughter + chaos. Poor Akram was forced to webcam with me and witness the whole thing.

I had a headache by the time everybody went back.

Father's Day was celebrated at Shangri-La. Didn't start off very well because everybody was too busy arguing, but it ended in peace thank God for that. Good food, good food :) Thanks for taking care of me + buying all my useless shit even though you think they're... useless. Love you daddy!

2009-06-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

Bloody hell, I really should start watching Supernatural.

I'm in love with your honor, I'm in love with your cheeks.

2009-06-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

you know who you are ;)

Wow, my week has been pretty unproductive except for the fact that I've gotten a new guitar (and I've been playing it nearly everyday, yay me!), and I went to the gym twice. Chilled at Jas's house for a bit on Wednesday to watch 90210, which I still need to finish with her and caught 17 Again with akram, ben and ely today. I've watched it already but I'm a good friend :) and Zac Efron is smokin' hot so that didn't hurt ;)

My dad's cousin's over here, visiting from Egypt. I don't even know why, it's so random, and I pity him cause the guest room is right next to my room which means he has to listen to my horrible guitar skills. I've got this strange urge to like, write, but it's not like anybody reads this piece of shit anyway.

...I also have a massive crush on Bon Iver. Seriously, it's not even funny. Gosh, my toesies are freezing, the a/c remote disappeared and wow, I can hear birds chirping outside. Jas tells me I've got massive eyebags, which I do, so here's a lesson for now:

NEVER, ever start sleeping as late as I do, unless you wanna have massive purple eyebags which, trust me, are not going to do your face any justice.

Okay, turraaah!

Good Advertising. Because they deserve it.

2009-06-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

My 3 favorites. Can't wait till the album. SO good.

Another New Moon related post. Because I am a freak when it comes to this.

2009-06-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

So... I was doing my weekly youtubing/ googling on New Moon, when I stumbled upon this set of pictures- as you can guess, it's Bella and Edward in Italy. Now, because I'm a nice (selfish) person, I am not going to post up the video where Rob is all broody and sexy with his seemingly new-found 6pecs. (I kid you not, I died too.) See, in Twilight, his body wasn't all that appealing. And then I found these pictures.

As a hormonal, 16 year old girl I would just like to say...

GO FOR IT, KRISTEN!!!!

And I know I'm not the only one who finds this picture smolderingly sexy. I mean, their making out, with his shirt off, in friggin' ITALY. You must be MENTAL if you think it isn't hot. *dies* Of course, I still ship Jackson Rathbone. Fo' life, bitches.

2009-06-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

The cinders they splinter, and light the path,

these strange steps trace us back, trace us back.

Like wow.

2009-06-16T09:55:00.001-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

i love eminem

2009-06-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

YOURE A ROCKSTAR ! EVERYBODY WANTS YOU , BABAYYYYYYYYYYY

1,2,3,4 tell me that you love me more.

2009-06-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Bangkok!

My mom brought her Bangkok, and it's my 2nd night here. Been eating like shit, and the shopping is pretty good though nothing much has caught my eye. But the foood.... yum. Orgasmic, I tell you. I got 2 FREE pairs of Nike shoes because my dad's friend owns a Nike factory. I don't usually wear sport shoes out but these are pretty. One is shiny, and you know how much I like free things :)

K BYE. :)

Edit:
It's 2.08 and there's this nagging feeling at the back of my head telling me that sleep is gonna be near impossible tonight. I'm at this point of life where everything is just... calm, and I just know that something's going to eventually go wrong somewhere. I feel like I haven't earned the right to be happy or something, which is plain ridiculous because (I don't think) I need to...

Right?

2009-06-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

Off to Bangkok tomorrow!
See you in 4 days.

Switchblade.

2009-06-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Wow this week has been considerably... hectic.

Sunday night was Jasmine's Sweet Sixteen, a surprise party thrown by Ee Lin and Tash. The theme was candy, which explains all the pinkness. I gotta say, they sure made it work. Spent that night partying instead of studying Algebra and English (WHICH i did well in), but I think I totally failed Algebra. ANYWAY, I had a blast, and pretty soon the best friend will be able to drive. YEAHHHYUHHH.

'the bitch and the barbie'

Tuesday
Sat for my last paper, Geometry, and then it was brunch with mother @ Alexis where we had one of those heart to heart talks. OU after, with a bunch of people (I honestly cannot remember so shut up.) Watched Angels and Demons which is a friggin' awesome movie, and if you haven't heard, I also... got my nose pierced.

Hellz yea.

Yes? No?

Wednesday.
Went for Mitchell & Azita's farewell thing. It was a pool party but I didn't swim... as if I was the only one. Left halfway through the thing to go shisha with a few of the girls @ Solaris (no point naming them cos 90% of you wouldn't know them haa.) Lol, the topics we ended up talking about were just TOO hilarious.

And the cab ride back to the condo was priceless. The cab driver couldn't stop burping. I literally mean this- he burped like every 2 seconds, and we couldn't stop laughing. I swear, he has like this... chronic burping disease or something. I nearly died in that cab okay!

Thursday

LAST DAY OF SCHOOOOL BABY!

Had each class for 15 minutes, pretty fun because all we did was sign yearbooks and stuff. Seeing how I didn't buy one, I just signed everyone else's. Took pictures, gossip, the usual. And SUMMER BEGINS! YESSSSSSSS.

Me, Yashmay and Mai

Lorna the history genius, Me, Yashmay.

Friday
Went to Tesh's house at like 2 and stoned while waiting for everyone else to arrive. I got hungry (as usual) so we walked to McD's for lunch. Jas, Ely & Akram arrived and we watched like half of Push before the dudes got bored and then we watched The Unborn. BLOODY HELL, THAT MOVIE SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME OKAY. Iman= not a horror movie person. Urgh.

Later on it was Phoebe's party. I gotta admit the first 2 hours were rather awkward because the KDU and MKIS people didn't really mingle but after they got drunk... damn. Things got fun alright. Lorna found someone to stalk, Akram, who got insanely high got 'lectured' by Novia... who was also high and Mai was like begging Jas to come to MKIS. (Which, I completely agree with. YOU SHOULD SO COME JAS WE NEEEED YOUUUUUU). Yeah, it was fun.

No pictures yet though cause nobody's posted it up yet...

Thanks for the party Phoebe (:

Today, which is Saturday, I have a kenduri to attend where my grandma will probably screw me because of the nose piercing I got. Oh well, it's so worth it. I love it.

Alright goodbye :)

2009-06-01T01:29:00.000-07:00

CALLING DEMIE AND JASSY JASSSSSSSSS.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

2009-05-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN JAS!

You've stuck with me through thick and thin, and no matter how bitchy or annoying i get, you've never gotten mad at me. You always lent me a listening ear and gave me advice when I needed it. You're an amazing friend, even though I may not always be one. Hope you enjoyed your party, and sorry I can't stay over and spend your birthday with you like last year (:

Love you babes!

2009-05-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

Exams. Boo.

2009-05-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

specimen #1: History class.
Explains a lot of my worries, don't you think ? -__-

12:12 am and I'm here, head clogged up with Science crap. I don't think I'm anywhere near done but I seriously cannot take it. I've been consuming so much food over the past few days, because hey, that's what I do when I'm stressed. Grocery shopping yesterday night led me to buying a whole load of junk food that will probably be finished in 2 days. Yes, I'm not very healthy. My eating habits have gone psycho, along with my brain -.-

Probably pulling a half-nighter tonight, till like 4 or 5 or something. But tomorrow? Tomorrow is definitely going to be hardcore because I have History on Friday. And I haven't started reading anything. 2 essays= DIE. And, Algebra! Ohmygosh, just murder me. That is going to be an EPIC FAIL. And I literally mean that. I'm not just saying it. Jas has seen my work -_- she knows what I'm talking about. Oh, and my Math tuition teacher quit on me because I skip/come late for too many classes. Story of my life, people quitting on me.

Cannot wait to go shopping with the girls on Friday. YES, I'm aware that I have exams on Monday but screw it. Not like I intend on studying on FRIDAY anyway. Plus, I need a release after the probably torturous history paper.

Oh yesh, I've been planning to get a piercing over summer. I'm gonna force myself not to chicken out. So, I'm currently stuck between...

or...

Mommy already gave me the thumbs up to getting a piercing, as long as I don't let it get infected. So, suggestions? And please, think of what would look good on me. Not you -_-

Now, onto the topic of birthdays.
Someone's birthday is coming up real soon ;)
Hint: She's a loser who also happens to be one of my best-est friends. I'm sure you've figured it out by now.

Phoebe's birthday is also coming up soon. In fact, it's on the 4th, a day after exams. :O
Cannot wait for her bday bashhhhhhhh it's gonna be wicked. And Phoebe, if you're reading my blog. HI :) and you know why :) at least for me hahahahah.

And Jamie's birthday was yesterday. Wished you on FB, but Happy Birthday babe. Hope you had a great one. Miss you and your retarded-ness. :)

... Damn so many June babies.

The upside of all this examinations?
- 4 more school days and I get complete freedom for 2 months.
- 4 more school days and till I get to wrap my arms around you again.
- 4 more school days until I get to wake up WHENEVER THE HELL I WANT.
- 4 more school days till I can OD myself in the dramatized world of TV shows.

And, that is why, my life is better than yours.

(wow that's a super long update right there.)

My Mistakes Were Made For You.

2009-05-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

I pulled your weathered, beaten down jacket over my shivering body, hoping to God that the tattered fabric would warm my frozen bones. The frigid October air sent chills penetrating through my skin, but I had nowhere left to run. I slid my knees up closer to my chest, in vain hope that by curling myself into this little ball of nothingness, I would be able to disappear. Of course, I knew better. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe, this was just another messed up alternate reality I created for myself so you would be my white horse again. Except in this version, the only thing I had left was your jacket. I brought the sleeve up and pressed it upon my icy cheek. The vague scent of your skin hit me like a blow, and for a split second, the pain dissipated as the blurred image of you telling me to stay strong misted across my eyes, sending spasms of warmth back in my body. I wish I could have remained the girl you once knew, once loved. The girl who was actually capable of caring for someone in her life. Now I was just... empty. Cold, like the slick layer of ice that had formed in the middle of the park.

2009-05-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

smokers have never looked that good.

time to go get paranoid over algebra again.

no matter where you go, i won't be very far (:

2009-05-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted. And I've just realized that exhausted is a word I've frequently been over-using for the past few weeks. Well, that's how I feel. The instant I wake up on Monday, that feeling sticks with me until Friday. Then, it's 2 days of ecstasy- and the cycle continues.

School this week has been pretty okay though. The lunchtimes have been... weird... because the guys have weird inside jokes that I don't understand but oh well. I hate Algebra though. Loathe it with my heart... probably because I'm shit at it. If the word Binomial is mentioned again to me once I'm working, I swear I will punch that person. UGH.

Final years are in two weeks, and I haven't started studying. And yes, I'm aware of the fact that I am pretty much screwed for 'em. So fail.

Gosh, I honestly cannot wait till summer!!

Yara's birthday was yesterday. Since most of the people who read my blog are from KDU (Hi, Cikgu Norul btw.), and therefore do not know who the hell I am talking about, Yara is also half Egyptian like me. But she's half Syrian, not Malay. Cool, eh? I found a partner. :)

Yeah, so, attended her gathering thing at Red Box, Curve. T'was fun, though it was a bit awkward because I'm not part of her ' circle ' or anything, not as awkward as I expected it to be though. To be honest I don't even know why I was invited, but I'm glad I was (: (: Drunk people are hilarious. 'Nuff said.

Today, I dragged my arse out of bed at 10 am (!). Off to Tropicana and we went swimming swimming & lunch. After this, it's three weeks without him. Stupid exams. Then, tuition at 4, it was the last day for my tuition teacher because he doesn't wanna teach me anymore. Since I always skip / come late for class. Sigh.

No clue what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. Probably staying at home with my sexy new Mac laptop. That's right, bitches. Be jealous. Although my internet connection is being a total slut, along with my Limewire... so that sucks too.

Am currently sipping on Green Tea + Lemon. Missy Higgins is good for the soul.

xoxo.

if you take what's yours and i'll take mine.

2009-05-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

First off, it's Mother's Day. What did you do for your mother?

Me, being me, didn't do anything because

a) I'm broke and

b) I'm not even remotely artistic.

So, we just brought her for lunch and a moviee at Curve because she adores movies. A trait I take after. Watched Star Trek and ohmgosh I swear Chris Pine has the nicest eyes ever. No, actually Jared Leto does but Chris Pine is a close second. SO PRETTY I TELL YOU (his eyes I mean.)

The movie itself was pretty good. I'd rate it 9/10.

What did I do over the weekend? Nothing even remotely productive. Friday, had my portfolio presentation. I wasn't as nervous as I expected myself to be. Tuition yesterday and later on it was a video call with that boy until he fell asleep on me last night -_- Idiot.

Sigh. Please. please. please. I swear to God whoever gets me this, I will love forever. I'm not kidding. I've been wanting one since last year but it costs a bomb. SIGH. SO THE SEXY. :(

Signing out now.

Love ya xx.

2009-05-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

I knew you once, knew you so well. I watched you grow- watched you grow just to see you break into fragments of things I never wanted you to be. Stranger, what I would have given to be able to fix you. To fix everything. But that was equivalent to asking if it were possible for me to thread the moon to a roll of string. And so I ask, what is the point of holding on to something that is already gone? I cannot comprehend why people do it- why they let others in when they know that nothing lasts forever. I've seen change, I've seen betrayal. I know how it's like to look at someone and wonder how something so good could decay so quickly. I know it all too well. And yet, here I am, and there you are, a stranger again.

Damn epiphanies.

2009-05-07T06:10:00.000-07:00

i hate portfolio.

someone please stab me.

i cant wait till tmrw is over -.-

How could you be so heartless.

2009-05-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

Looking back at all of the videos we have of 3 Rembrandt cause I need some of 'em for my portfolio makes me miss them so freaking much. Gah.

Anyway, my Internet was down for a few days but it's back up now. I'm scared shitless for my portfolio which is this Friday at 11.10 am. Stayed back for awhile today with Phoebe & Hanisa with intentions of finishing it but being me I forgot to bring my laptop -.- And ended up looking at scandalous pics of people on her super cute tiny laptop.

That girl stalks Grade 9 guys. :O :O :O
PEDOOOO HAHAHAHA.

James Morrisson's Sex On Fire cover is amazing. I love.

I knew a pretty rave girl, I had this dream about her.

2009-05-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

After.

Before.

Oh my gosh. I had a blast.

Went for Anugerah Industri Music 16 tonight. Most of you may not know what that is but I attend it every year because my father is kind of the organizer, plus he always presents an award. So, this year was indifferent. Initially I didn't want to but my mother made me go. (:

Anyway, I don't regret it. Texted that boy throughout half the show, and he decided to ' nap '. The event itself was pretty good. Even though it was in Malay and mine sucks. After that, we went for the after party. Loner-ed with my sister for awhile until my cousins came in. Then we decided that we wanted to dance, but there was nobody on the dancefloor yet.

I think we were like, the 2nd group of people who got on? Danced till like 2 in the morning. At one point there was even a conga linee. Funn. Plus, we danced with the lead singer from Hujan (who brings back painful memories of someone). He was funny ha. My cousin was like dirty dancing with him, plus a few other singer dudes. I kid you not. Dirty dancing -.- Tash, if your reading this, it's the one of our age :p

Then, ALIFF (TASH TASH TASH!!!) came on the dancefloor and we started dancing with him. Gosh I swear his so bloody cute. He asked for my name :D :D :D but my mom dragged me back-.- and started lecturing me not to give my number. Even though he didnt ask for it. I swear, parents are a pain. ARGH. his so cute i tell you..... TASH!!!!!!!! :(

Came back at 2 smth looking like a mess. Trust me the picture up there lies because I was under a bright light- I looked so much worse. But hell, it was so worth it.

♥

2009-04-25T06:22:00.001-07:00

(: (:

Today was Phoebe’s house to ‘model’ for her art project shoot. Title: Define Truth. Pretty fun. We walked around the golf course and people were staring at me like I was retarded. Maxi dresses and hippie bands. Feet bitten by unrecognizable insects. Sweating my arse off. Afternoon heat. Just to produce a few pretty pictures. She walked me to Tropicana after that. On the way there we talked about… stuff. Hilarious. Separated after that and I met up with him. Chilled in the pool. Ate. Talked shit. Made my week.

I swear I think I’m darker now.
And I. Need. To. Shop. On Labor Day, I shall.

Friday oh oh.

2009-04-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

so freaking stressed out it is not even funny.

basically i had a whole load of tests this week... which i do not want to talk about. yr10 portfolio is due in two weeks and i'm screwed because, hello, i've only been in yr 10 for like 3 months. even though we're allowed to write about our old school it wouldnt help me bcos i started form 4 in kdu for 2 months. not helping.

tmrw; physics test which i have yet to study for. far too lazy to do my geometry hw but it's first block which means it'll be impossible for me to cheat off anybody though i've never even cheated before. sigh. sad, sad life.

tgif tomorrow. friday nights are my happy time (:

-

2009-04-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

my manic & i.

"this is iman being healthy." - alysha lee.

So, as y'all know, Friday was the trip to the Selayang Refugee Centre, which was funner then I had expected it to be. we colored with the little kids and i was in charge of the most ADORABLE little boy. he was so cute omg except for the fact that i had to wipe snot off, that was a little disgusting. all the kids were Burmese which meant it was really hard for us to converse with them but thank God a few of them could speak a little Malay. A few MKIS students sang for 'em then we just danced with them to kiddy songs for a while. They're all so hyperactive it gets a little scary. I swear, some people got like, riot-ed.

Then it was off for lunch and we brought them to the Lake Gardens- and that was when everything turned completely upside down. Each person was in charge of two kids, and they just went wild. We were just sweating and dying while they were sliding and swinging and running.

It was exhausting, but a good experience. I've never been that good with kids and this kinda helped I suppose. Jas came to school after that to check it out ;)

Saturday, woke up unusually early because Dickson was picking me up for KDU's Open Day. Waking up before 9 on a Saturday is an extremely, extremely rare occurence for me. It was pretty boring, 'cept for the performances & cheer. I was just like, literally, sweating my arse off. Saw people, talked to people, ate, supported the besties, and off it was to Curve.

Ate @ Paddington's House of Pancakes before going to Borders to stone for like an hour. I know, pure joblessness. At least he was there. Aly & I looked at French magazines and she found a nude picture of Bjork I think. The clothes in the magazine on the other hand.... *drools* Had "the sex" green tea frap and people started leaving. Dick, Akram & I were the last to leave.

And.... yeah.
Let's just say the part after that made me a very happy girl.

I am so not looking forward to school this week. So many tests which I'm definitely unprepared for. Anyway, bye now xo.

how to fight loneliness;

2009-04-18T09:33:00.000-07:00

"It's because you love me when I don't love myself.

it's because you help up my beauty for me to see.

It's because you care unconditionally, just the way I am.

It was because for the first time in my life

I don't have to work so hard at being happy,

because with you, it just happens."

2009-04-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

"My whole life had been split in two: Smith and not Smith. I liked the Smith parts of it so much better. Already I was calculating how much of the weekend we had left and greedily clutching every hour to me as if it was precious."

- Isabel Clarke, Let's Get Lost.

If you haven't read that book already, you really should. Definitely in my top five of favorites. School has been a pain. So many tests and due dates, plus there's that friggin' portfolio! ugh. so stressed out i tell you. :(

Oh, and I've dyed my hair again. Cherry Red, according to the bottle. I only used half of it, contemplating if I should make it redder but people say it's nice enough already so I won't. Still lovin' Skins. Getting way depressing but that's when it's at it's best. Kaya Scodelario is gorgeous.

Friday, we're having a field trip and I'll be going to Selayang Refugee Centre. I'm not really looking forward to it, but my parents probably won't allow me to skip. Saturday, KDU's Open Day. I'll probably update with a picture post on Sunday (if i take any pictures.)

Am really, really wanting to shop. Mommy! :D

More than I should.

2009-04-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

It's official.

I'm turning into one of those sappy girls I once used to look at in disgust. Instead of doing my english outline, here I am blogging, a huge smile plastered on my face while acoustic songs are playing. Thanks to him :) I really don't care what the rest of you think about us. He makes me happy, and that's all that matters.

You are my saving grace.

2009-04-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

This week was a crappy week. Especially today.

I'm sorry I can't please you all the freaking time. It's just that I can't stand the fact that you refuse to admit you're wrong even when you are. At least I admit that I have flaws, something you never fail to point out every time we aren't on good terms. You say I'm the one that says things to hurt you. Yeah, well, the insults you threw at me today were enough to make me want to cry, weren't they. Just because I'm the child here, doesn't mean I'm going to be the one who apologizes. I'm always expected to apologize. You say I'm never on time? Where do you think I got that from? You talk about things you know shit about, things that just make me want to explode. But I don't. I keep it all in, just like I always do. I'm sorry I'm not the 'nice', 'loving' girl you wanted- no, expected, me to grow up to be. But maybe you should re-analyze the situation and see how much this hurts me.

And the text you sent me? It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down right there in the cinema. It's a good thing I'm a pro at faking happiness. Something else I got from you, I guess. Refusing to allow myself to be weak in front of people.

I'm just so exhausted with everything. Every time I lay my head on the pillow, I can't seem to bring my eyes to just shut no matter how tired my body is. My night went slightly better. Watched He's Just Not That Into You with a few people. Loved it. I rate it 9/10. And yeah, I still haven't watched Shopaholic asghfjsf.

Anyway, yeah, the movie was pretty good. It was hilarious, no doubt. Lifted my mood a whole lot. Ate at Italiannies after. I love my friends. :)

daybreaks, bitter reverse, words so flawed.

2009-04-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

I have got a Geometry test tomorrow, and an Algebra test on Friday. Which means that I've been doing Math the whole evening. Nonetheless, I still do not get it. Time to face the facts Iman, Math and I just do not click.

My eyes are overly heavy, my body's sore from PE, and I have to face the fact that I'm completely drained. Sometimes it feels like I'm seeing the world through a dream or something. Hell, I was practically falling asleep in IT today. I contemplated on taking a nap this evening but all the yummy food just lured me and then I saw the laptop. I swear, I'm going to take one tomorrow or I'll probably just drop dead in History on Thursday. Gawd.

Yeah, so as you can see, this week is pretty much shite so far except for the fact that my English teacher did not come today so Phoebe & I watched OTH on her laptop this morning. PLUS, we didn't have to do the presentation, thank you God. Only thing I'm looking forward to is Friday night, and the weekends. Sleep, here I come yet again. (:

Bye loves.

you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless. with you, i’d dance in a storm in my best dress.

2009-04-06T07:42:00.003-07:00

love my retards (:

hi you, i know you’re reading this. see, i even blog about you (probably due to the fact that my blog is totally empty but yeah.)

vainpot #1. :P

so, i’m skyping with you right now, and you’re showing me some funny video about zombie kids and your also laughing like a retard. btw, i hate your favorite word. you know what it is –.- shopaholic this friday yayayayay! you’re gonna have to endure me squealing with Becky Bloomwood :P

anyway, can’t write much shit bout you here.
suddenly… dum dum dum. (you know why.)

xxx.

2009-04-05T04:35:00.000-07:00

i am in the funniest (and meanest) skype conversation evurrrrr. people these days.

I stutter and hold grudges, let's fall.

2009-04-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

"I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your truly extraordinary mind."

- some picture that I saved.

Someone wants me to blog about her.

a mandaa says:

*blog about meeee (A)

cHOIMAN ♥ (R) says:

*wth

*finee

a mandaa says:

*HAHAHA

*damm perasan

cHOIMAN ♥ (R) says:

*ye

a mandaa says:

*eh say good things don't say i am perasan,vain, bimbotic or any bad things!

*HAHA

cHOIMAN ♥ (R) says:

*LOL

a mandaa says:

*after maybe dunno some hot guy might read your blog( rare occasion) and get scared of me...

cHOIMAN ♥ (R) says:

*nahh

i know you love me, bitch!

& i miss the rush of your skin.

2009-04-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

new blog, just because i can. my old blog was filled with way too much crap but your free to read it if you want to.

the link is:

Old

unoriginal but hey, i was too lazy to think of anything else and it's not like i'll be using it anyway. okay so i'll update whenever something actually happens in this monotous life of mine. okay bye loves.